I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
