Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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