I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
