apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
