i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
