now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
