Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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