if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
