What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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