plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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