My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
