obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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