Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So gin and wine won't be happening again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
