Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
