Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
