I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
