Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
