that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
