Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
