i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
