Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
