my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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