I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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