I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
