I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
