Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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