You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
