i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
im on a boat
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