end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
