He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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