do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
