the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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