oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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