shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
