so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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