I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Shame - the story of my life.
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