It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
