I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
