she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
