Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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