I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
