So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
