Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
