I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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