i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ttyl tear gas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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