Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
