I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
