I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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