We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
