Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
