I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
