I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize