I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
